Ugliest Woman
A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says: “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!”
The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal.”
The trucker replies: “Listen darlin’, I’m not horny - I’m just homesick.”
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DMV
A man is at DMV.
[DMV Worker] Name, please?
[Man] Abdul Khan.
[DMV Worker] S*x?
[Man] Yes. Three to five times a week.
[DMV Worker] No, no… I mean, male or female?
[Man] Both male and female. And, sometimes with camel.
[DMV Worker] Holy cow!
[Man] Yes, I did one time with a cow, too.
[DMV Worker] But isn ´ t that hostile?
[Man] Horse style, doggy style, any style!
[DMV Worker] Oh dear!
[Man] No, no! ….. No Deer…….. Deer run too fast! :-))
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Bar Joke
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodka.”
The barman says, “Wow! you must have had very bad day.”
“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said, “What the hell? Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”
“Yes, my wife…”
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Worst Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making guy steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”
“Today is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. I get a cab to return home, and when I get out of the cab, I forgot my wallet, cash and credit cards in the there. The cab driver just drives away.”
“When I get home, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
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Ghost
A professor at a university is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 40 students raise their hands.
“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 20 students raise their hands. Continue reading…
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Kidnapping
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a big note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.” Continue reading…
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Busy Bus Stop
A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Continue reading…
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Grown Ups Words
The kindergarten kids were now in the first grade. Their teacher wanted them to use more grown up words and sentences when they speak since they were no longer in kindergarten. She told them to use grown up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer. Continue reading…
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Who to Marry
There was a man who was seeing girlfriends, but did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $2000 and see how each of them spent it.The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, and tells the man, “I spent the money to look pretty for you because I love you so much.” Continue reading…
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Do you know?
Watch this funny video. If you don’t get it, replay the video again. Very funny.
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